October 20, 2025
Hi just wanted to update you all on what has been going on. I'll confine myself in this post to the health issue here, but there has been other stuff too.
Thank you all for the kind words of encouragement and the support you have shown over the past month. I realized, after the post I made about saying things that needed to be said while I could, that some might think I was saying goodbye. One friend wrote me privately about that, she had just experienced a staggering loss of a loved one and I understand. I did not mean to alarm any of you with the tone of what I posted. I had and have no desire to leave my form early. And of all people I know there is no end to life consciousness, but there a finite time these bodies we inhabit.
I am also aware that transitioning always has unfinished business, and in the clamor of life we leave too much unsaid, especially the utter magnificence we feel towards the people we work, play and love. I am also aware this samurai exterior of mine is but an oaken veneer covering a heart that feels everything. I take really lousy selfies. I have thought on occasion that acting lessons might help me convey what my face sometimes does not.
The evening before Charlie Kirk's funeral, I was awakened to a telepathic message "THIS IS CHARLIE KIRK! THIS IS CHARLIE KIRK!" I didn't know much about Charlie Kirk, first heard about him about 2 weeks prior to the televised shooting. I come from a background not unlike Charlie Kirk's. Although my views are quite a bit different now. But I knew I was already watching an incredible circus building around that tragedy and I knew I did not want to be the "beyond the grave" messenger to people quite welded to their traditional doctrines. I just don't do seances in any case nor do I trust people who do so. But I suspect Charlie Kirk would have been one to respect my views if I had met him before the incident. There are not many like him. In the back of my mind was Charlie had unfinished business.
So I told the purported Charlie Kirk urgently trying to contact me "NO! Go find someone else! There is no good that can come from this! Not for you, not for your family and certainly not for me!". The reply was "That's why YOU need to do it!" I was still half asleep, and my telepathy is not all that great in any case, but it reminded me of what H once said to me that "Telepathy sounds like a megaphone compared to heart-comms". This certainly had a megaphone quality, so I was not even sure it was an organic communication and not some sort of technology. But I chose not to get involved with it. You can make whatever you want about my choice, but I still believe it was the correct choice for me, in that moment. We always have a choice, and there is never just two choices. Charlie Kirk was/is a star seed.
When I was nine I broke my two upper middle teeth. I was told by the family dentist I would have to live with the broken teeth until I was 18, as the teeth were still alive and the nerves were intact but they would shrink enough to install crowns when I turned 18.
I grew up in a time when doctors thought children didn't feel pain, I remember falling once and my bottom teeth cutting through below my lower lip and having sutures without any anesthetic at all. I had a similar experience when the family dentist pulled my lower baby teeth so the adult teeth "would grow in straight". But then our playgrounds were metal and concrete so perhaps that was some of training they were giving kids at the time to put on our "permanent record" whatever records those really were.
I grew up drinking raw milk my mom purchased from a mormon dairy in Mesa Arizona. Organic, unhomgenized, and unpasteurized and it was delicious. I never had any cavities. Still don't. But I did trip and break my teeth and was embarrassed by the way I looked. So while most were practicing their dating smiles, I did my best to avoid smiling so I didn't look like a country hick. I just didn't smile a lot, unless with close trusted friends. My high school dating life was uneventful, although in retrospect I think I was a handsome lad. I didn't think so at the time. 90% of beauty is what comes from our heart about how we feel about ourselves. It's this 90% that prisons work so hard to crush in people guilty or innocent. Unworthiness is a bureaucrats power. And this world is populated by some people that seem to think their candle shines brighter when they dim someone else's candle.
After unsuccessfully fighting the wounds on my leg for 2 weeks, my oxygen levels were yo-yo-ing when it dipped to 74% I called the ambulance. Two young Austin paramedics showed up, put some oxygen on me. Both were Southern California refugees and republican. They normally work 6th Street which is the bourbon Street of Austin. We had a good laugh talking about the zoo that is currently the state of California under Gavin Newsome. We all love California, it's a beautiful state, but none of us want to live there now. In Texas there is a degree of freedom not found in California. They told me I didn't have septicemia because I was not running a fever or showing any of the other signs. As I got into ER they began infusing me with some strong antibiotics and suspected I had pneumonia. They also gave me some strong doses of a diuretic to get the water out of my body which is standard with anyone who has had congestive heart failure. It's completely different from a coronary, it's a body water regulation problem. When the heart gets water logged it has trouble pumping.
The CT scanner tech was a pear shaped short man, I am not a small man, but I would fit into one leg of his trousers. So when the CT scan was ordered I wasn't sure this man could push my hospital bed down the hallway, but he was the like train that could! I was surprised what a tug boat this man was when it came to moving hospital beds about and setting a CT scanner. He single handedly got me slid off the bed onto the rail that goes through the donut of the CT scanner. I was never exactly centered but close enough it seems and he got the images he was after.
The trick now was getting me back on the bed. He called for another male nurse/tech to help him, and I asked that he bring a mans urinal as they had just dropped 60 MEQ of Lasix diuretic into my IV before he fetched me for a CT scan and there is no holding it when it comes to Lasix. I warned him I was going to pee all over his CT scanner unless they got a urinal quickly.
The man arrived in time, and assisted with the urinal. There is no dignity in hospitals, there's just biology. The helper starts telling me about a new man's catheter (not in wide use) that is something like a woman's catheter and "it just sucks the urine out of you". I couldn't help but think if any galactics were watching me they had to be in stitches laughing at this point about a man holding my manhood balancing a plastic urinal telling me about a catheter that sounds like a weird sex toy. I could only think of one word "AWKWARD". I made it back to my room. Their trusty CT scanner remained pristine. We never spoke of the CT room again.
My legs hurt for the first two days. Think of the worst skinned knees as a kid, that's how the back of my calves felt, and I was in hospital bed I had to live with it. Ibuprofen seemed to be the only pain killer that helped. But as the swelling went down with the antibiotics it didn't hurt at all.
I had a great group of nurses. A "volunteer" chaplain came to see me. She was in her 70s, a former nurse. Lovely woman. I had a really nice conversation with her, and she gave me a small "Love Pillow" another volunteer makes to put under an arm in a hospital bed or behind the neck. I was touched by the intention of it all. Nobody ever gave me a love pillow before.
My room seemed to be constantly occupied by nurses wanting to talk. I felt like I was holding court by the time I left, it was quite remarkable the frequency of love I got there. I came out in a completely different state of mind and frequency.
So unlike last February, the oxygen drops were due to pneumonia. I am grateful the problem could be treated with antibiotics. My legs don't seem to be leaking water anymore. I am still wearing bandages, probably will for a week more just as a caution. I am resting more but still sleeping in 3-4 hour shifts. Hopefully that changes.
I love you all so dearly so.
Terran
October 15, 2025
I have a leg infection but it is not septicemia. A fear I had Sunday given the symptoms similarities to 2009.
A CT scan Sunday night revealed I also have a minor case of pneumonia, hence some of the oxygen anomalies.
My heart is doing pretty well all things considered. The problem was not my heart.
Cardiologist has given his blessing for my release but nurses are awaiting the culture tests to make sure I have the right antibiotics for my legs.
I’m not certain what caused the leg wound, which has been very painful, but Texas has a number of bugs that bite or sting. It was not healing. It was also on the back of my leg making it tough to see and bandage.
I could be home Thursday night. Which is very good news!
