Tuesday, September 20, 2022

Saying good bye in my own way and moving on.

I won't be traveling to Seattle for the celebration of my sister's life.  I had some difficulties booking air fares at a cost I could afford. So I used the app "Cheap Flights - Wayaway" which I saw advertised on TV.  I was supposed to leave on the 24th.  The celebration of her life is on the 25th. I thought I had a ticket at a reasonable cost but the ticket agency lied to me and then tried to bait and switch me to a full fare the following day.  Air fares rise each day as the departure gets nearer.  There is no difference now between buying two one way tickets and one round trip ticket.  They cost the same.  The airlines themselves practice deceptive round trip pricing, quoting a price for the outbound trip and then show you a a lesser return trip. But the effect is the price of two one way tickets. That seems to have changed since 2018. 

The whole ticket thing was a mind boggling fiasco.  Never have I felt more frustrated.  It really seems life is just saying don't go.  Then there is all this chatter going on about something happening on the 24th.  

As I penciled it out the trip with lodging, meals and Ubers would cost close to $2000.  Way too expensive for my budget.  And way too expensive to ask for help with costs.  This is why I didn't ask for help until I knew what it would cost.  It costs too much. 

I wasn't in a good mood over Bobbe's passing.  Aside from facing one's own mortality of flesh, I really liked Bobbe.  I still don't know the cause of death.  I always felt closer to Bobbe than my other sisters. 

There are many people who cling to failing relationships simply because "they don't want to die alone".  But the truth is, when you are in that hospital bed, you die alone no matter what.  I am grateful to my ex that she didn't have me unplugged when I was in that situation, but she seemed to know it wasn't my time.    

A whole bunch of turbulent emotions came up in the past week, and it pretty much comes down to this.  I can play a Bach funeral dirge on a pipe organ or I can go out in the morning Sun, listen the the birds and thank all creation for the moments I had with her as a young child.  She is 12 years my senior.

It doesn't matter if its a loved one passing, a loss of a relationship, lover, job, or a new direction of life.   All these things we can find ourselves grieving for a bit.  But every response we have is also a choice, best to make the ones that are life affirming. 

My sister is with my mother now (long time readers will know the full meaning of that).  There is no death of consciousness there is only a loss of the form.  And that loss is real for all near to the person,  at least at this time. It will be looked at differently in the years to come. My heart goes out to my nieces, nephews and brother in law. 

I will see my sister again. She won't look the same. I might not look the same. It won't be in the same place and circumstances.  But her energy and humor will be there and I will know her when that time comes.  She has completed her mission on Earth, enriched by all the ups and downs this journey gives all.

I thank everyone of you for your kind words during this time. I apologize for the lack of articles during the interim.  There's been a whole lot going on.  Kingdoms are falling, empires of greed are crumbling, and a whole lot of hidden information is emerging.  Time for me to get back in the saddle of writing.

I love you all!


Saturday, September 3, 2022

Update 1 - A death in the family

Dad holding Bobbie as a baby
Colorized by a reader in New Zealand

Update 1: Added colorized photos from a reader in New Zealand.  Many Thanks!  Got word today there were will be a celebration of Bobbe's life towards the end of the month.  Gives me time to find some affordable airfares and a hotel.

My sister Bobbe passed away Thursday morning,  She lived in the Seattle area.  We have no details yet and I am not going to speculate as to the cause. To my knowledge she was in good health.  She was 78, 12 years older than me. My mother transitioned in 2017 at age 94.  Women are known to live a long time in my family. The last time I saw Bobbe was in 2018.  

When I was very young she used to take me to the Phoenix and Scottsdale Public swimming pools.  I was only 4 or 5 but I remember floating around in my floaty ring at one of her teenage friends swim parties.  She spent a lot of time with me then, not that I was all that close in later years after she went to college, got married and had a family of her own.  She was the first in our family to have a college degree, which she got at Northern Arizona University, my daughter went the same school.  My sister Joyce passed away in 1995.

My family migrated to Arizona in the 1950s from Montana, most of my extended family is in Montana,  the rest are scattered about the USA.  My grandfather homesteaded in Montana and married the neighbor's daughter. My dad was one of ten kids.  After WWII, and a stint at NACA (forerunner to NASA) my father returned to Montana with my mother and Bobbe. Dad loved to fly fish in Montana. 

Bobbe struggled with asthma in Montana winters and the doctor advised moving to Arizona for her lungs.  That was back when Arizona had relatively clean air.  Asthma medications then were not like they are now. Bobbe lived in Los Angeles with her husband for a while but the smog made her very ill and they moved back to Flagstaff for a time, where she found relief for her lungs.  Later, after a couple of hops, they relocated to Pacific Northwest where the rain keeps the air clean.

I hope to go to the funeral to pay my respects to my sister and her family. I am intending that I will have the means.  Perhaps with a bit of work I can.  This is unexpected. But then it always is.  Alaska Airlines runs regular trips to Seattle from Austin but I haven't priced flights yet.  

In my beliefs, she's not dead, she just left that body for another adventure in a new body somewhere. I'll see her again someday, she will look different but her energy will be the same. But not all of my family believes like that. I get that.  It is a loss, even for me, for the person we knew as Bobbe in all her marvelous strong compassion and opinionated uniqueness is gone.  But she is not forgotten.

Unfortunately I don't have a recent photo of Bobbe.

Mom holding Bobbe, Dad holding Joyce. I am not sure if this
 photo is in NY or Montana or Palo Alto.
Image colorized by a reader in New Zealand