Tuesday, September 20, 2022

Saying good bye in my own way and moving on.

I won't be traveling to Seattle for the celebration of my sister's life.  I had some difficulties booking air fares at a cost I could afford. So I used the app "Cheap Flights - Wayaway" which I saw advertised on TV.  I was supposed to leave on the 24th.  The celebration of her life is on the 25th. I thought I had a ticket at a reasonable cost but the ticket agency lied to me and then tried to bait and switch me to a full fare the following day.  Air fares rise each day as the departure gets nearer.  There is no difference now between buying two one way tickets and one round trip ticket.  They cost the same.  The airlines themselves practice deceptive round trip pricing, quoting a price for the outbound trip and then show you a a lesser return trip. But the effect is the price of two one way tickets. That seems to have changed since 2018. 

The whole ticket thing was a mind boggling fiasco.  Never have I felt more frustrated.  It really seems life is just saying don't go.  Then there is all this chatter going on about something happening on the 24th.  

As I penciled it out the trip with lodging, meals and Ubers would cost close to $2000.  Way too expensive for my budget.  And way too expensive to ask for help with costs.  This is why I didn't ask for help until I knew what it would cost.  It costs too much. 

I wasn't in a good mood over Bobbe's passing.  Aside from facing one's own mortality of flesh, I really liked Bobbe.  I still don't know the cause of death.  I always felt closer to Bobbe than my other sisters. 

There are many people who cling to failing relationships simply because "they don't want to die alone".  But the truth is, when you are in that hospital bed, you die alone no matter what.  I am grateful to my ex that she didn't have me unplugged when I was in that situation, but she seemed to know it wasn't my time.    

A whole bunch of turbulent emotions came up in the past week, and it pretty much comes down to this.  I can play a Bach funeral dirge on a pipe organ or I can go out in the morning Sun, listen the the birds and thank all creation for the moments I had with her as a young child.  She is 12 years my senior.

It doesn't matter if its a loved one passing, a loss of a relationship, lover, job, or a new direction of life.   All these things we can find ourselves grieving for a bit.  But every response we have is also a choice, best to make the ones that are life affirming. 

My sister is with my mother now (long time readers will know the full meaning of that).  There is no death of consciousness there is only a loss of the form.  And that loss is real for all near to the person,  at least at this time. It will be looked at differently in the years to come. My heart goes out to my nieces, nephews and brother in law. 

I will see my sister again. She won't look the same. I might not look the same. It won't be in the same place and circumstances.  But her energy and humor will be there and I will know her when that time comes.  She has completed her mission on Earth, enriched by all the ups and downs this journey gives all.

I thank everyone of you for your kind words during this time. I apologize for the lack of articles during the interim.  There's been a whole lot going on.  Kingdoms are falling, empires of greed are crumbling, and a whole lot of hidden information is emerging.  Time for me to get back in the saddle of writing.

I love you all!